


Like A Blade, You Stain

by midnightdown (sailorsuga)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M, Self-Harm, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5193749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorsuga/pseuds/midnightdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘From every heart you break, and like the blade you stain. Well I’ve been holding on tonight…’ <br/>-<br/>It rained during his funeral. Liam grimly thought that it was fitting weather for such an occasion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like A Blade, You Stain

**Author's Note:**

> (2010/11 Steph): I fucking hate myself for writing this. I swear I cried like three times while writing this and I just…ugh. Anyway inspired by Helena by My Chemical Romance.
> 
> (2015 Steph): Spelling and grammar errors, inaccuracies about depression/self-harm, kinda extra imo. I was 14/15 when I wrote this, spare me.

**_Long ago, just like the hearse you die to get in again_ **

It rained during his funeral.

Liam grimly thought that it was fitting weather for such an occasion.

With him gone, Liam felt as if the world didn’t deserve another sunny day; they all faded away.

With Louis.

**_We are so far from you_ **

_“Louis! Louis, no!” Harry was tugged back roughly by the police officers as he continued to scream and thrash around, eyes read and puffy; tears streaming down his face and his voice going hoarse from the screaming._

_He watched with a pain in his chest as they carried his boyfriend of two years away in a stretcher; his body bloody and motionless._

_Harry didn’t want to watch; he didn’t want to see Louis like this but he couldn’t pull his eyes away from it._

**_Burning on just like the match you tried to incinerate._ **

Niall was struggling through the words of his speech. Liam could tell he was trying to not to break down and cry in front of all these people but the way he was pausing and ducking his head; there was no way that would happen. Jay had her head in the crook of Zayn’s neck and Liam bit his lip.

Jay’s sobs were the worst; of course. She had lost her son in that accident; her best friend.

They all had.

_“No, damn it! I want to see Louis! Let me see him!” Harry screamed at the nurse who was attempting to hold him and all the others back from marching to Louis._

_She sighed for the fifth time. “I can’t right now. The doctors are still working on him. You can’t go back there, sir. I’m sorry.”_

_Sorry?! Fu—“_

_“Harry!” Liam yelled and Harry turned to look at him, emerald eyes wide with shock and pleading and still filled with tears._

_“But Liam, Louis—“_

_“We can’t afford to go back there and mess anything up, Harry. We just have to sit here and wait, okay?”_

_Harry frowned and nodded. “Okay…” he croaked, sitting in a loveseat in a corner of the waiting room._

_He stayed there alone the entire night._

**_The lives of everyone you knew_ **

Zayn stroked Jay’s hair, poorly attempting to calm her down. He whispered words of comfort to her even as tears streamed down his face as well.

Liam despised this funeral; seeing Louis’ lifeless body be carried away in a black casket. This entire funeral was dark.

He had always thought white would’ve fitted someone like Louis much better.

The worst was Harry though.

Harry wasn’t crying.

He wasn’t speaking.

He just had a blank look in his eyes; empty and emotionless. He stood completely still; he didn’t even bother to look up at Louis—or what was left of him anyway.

Niall was gripping Liam’s hand tight as they lowered the casket into the ground, Niall hiccupping. Liam kept a tight grip as reassurance.

“No…” Harry whispered; his first word all day. Liam saw him speed off to the van and he watched with a frown.

Harry really had it the worst.

**_And what’s the worst to take?_ **

_“N-no. You’re lying. You’re lying!” Harry cried and the doctor grimaced._

_“Son, I have nothing to lie to you about. I’m sorry but your friend…he’s dead. We tried as hard as we could—“_

_“No!” Harry shouted, grabbing the doctor by his collar with rage burning in his eyes. “If you tried as hard as you could, Louis would still be alive! He wouldn’t be dead, you son of a bitch!”_

_Niall watched with wide, watery eyes. “Harry, no…” he breathed but Harry didn’t hear him and he continued to yell curses and insults at the doctor until some male nurses had to pull him off._

_“Calm down!” one yelled and Harry knocked over a coffee table._

_“Fuck you! My boyfriend is dead!”_

_Niall had pulled his knees to his chest, sobbing silently into them and chanting “no”._

_This was too much._

_This was all too much._

**_From every heart you break_ **

The ride home was quiet and Liam felt unfamiliar to this sort of atmosphere. I was never quiet in the van; music was playing and Harry had his camera and they were laughing and dancing without any cares in the world. Then Liam remembered.

All of that happened when Louis was in the car, too.

Niall’s head was rested on Zayn’s shoulder, his fingers still slightly clinging to the older boy’s jacket. Zayn faced the window and through the reflection, Liam could see his eyes on the cemetery. Harry’s eyes were on the floor, his curls shielding his face from Liam’s view.

Liam wished he could do something, anything to fix all of this. Because it’s always been his job to fix everything and he felt helpless knowing there was nothing he could do.

_Harry’s hand trembled as it reached for Louis’ lifeless one. He was holding back sobs terribly, the tears falling on his Louis’ arm._

_“L-Louis…I’m s-sorry…” he hiccupped. Zayn stood behind him; his mouth in a straight line and his clenched fists shaking._

_He had been hurt in the accident; his arm in a sling and his abdomen bandaged._

_But at least he was still alive. The weird part is that, at that moment, he wished he could’ve switched places with Louis as Harry sobbed._

_Niall had shielded his face with his hands, his back towards the others and chose to cry silently into the corner._

_Liam could only stare wide-eyed at what was left of one of his best friends._

_His vision blurred with his tears._

**_And like a blade, you stain_ **

Liam curled up in his bed as soon as he got home. Usually, he would sit in the living room with the others, joke around, and play Pokémon.

But it felt wrong to do that without Louis.

Louis who could make anything funny; Louis who could make you smile no matter how upset you were; Louis, the clown; Louis the leader; it felt so empty without him. Like the world just stopped.

“Why? Why him?” Liam whispered into his pillow.

**_Well I’ve been holding on tonight_ **

\--

Harry didn’t like to believe any of this was real. He liked to tell himself Louis was okay; still in the hospital; still recovering.

But taking him to the funeral was the last straw; seeing Louis’ lifeless body in that black casket.

Reality hit him hard.

He held the metal frame closer to his chest; the picture was taken at a carnival; his first date with Louis.

They looked so young in the picture; they were still contestants for the X Factor. Harry was smiling brightly, hugging a stuffed white cat with Louis’ arm wrapped around his shoulders, placing a kiss to his cheek.

**_What’s the worst that I can say?_ **

Harry couldn’t bare to look at it; it made his heart beat faster and the memories of the car accident flood through his mind. And suddenly, Harry’s vision was blurry again and the picture had hit the hardwood floor.

“No…” he rasped, the tears falling on the frame. He wiped his eyes and opened his drawer for some tissue and his eyes fell on a shiny object in the corner.

He picked it up and examined it.

 “Louis…”

\--

The next few weeks weren’t easy and the tour had been postponed.

Zayn refused to leave his room and the only time Liam saw him was when he would leave to use the bathroom or get some food and even then; he wouldn’t talk. It was like when they first met all over again; Zayn was guarded by invisible barriers and no one could break them down. Not like how they could.

Niall was probably the only saving grace; he still tried to smile (though it looked forced and not natural like it was) and he laughed (but it was rare) and he tried to stay positive but Liam could tell he wasn’t the same; it was all an act.

Harry was the hardest to decipher, however. It was like he was a robot or something. His eyes were empty and emotionless, not sparkling and full of emotion like they once were. He rarely talked or smiled and he forced fake emotions. But the way he did it was so realistic; as if he studied it. But you could always tell by his eyes; he didn’t feel anything anymore.

Liam was just…Liam. He was Daddy Direction; the responsible one. He kept everything together but now there was nothing he could do but let whatever was happening unfold. Interfering made no difference.

**_Things are better if I stay_ **

Niall idly strummed his guitar as Liam wrote the words on paper.

Liam had never been good with loss; especially one like this. Music was the only thing he could ever use to feel better. He was glad Niall was there to help him out. Even as the responsible one; this was no easier on him than anyone else.

“I wonder…if we could make a song for him. I wonder if he’d like it.” Niall spoke and Liam nodded.

“Yeah,” Liam smiled slightly. “He probably would.”

“Maybe he’s eating carrots right now.”

Liam snorted. “Sounds like Louis.”

It was silent for a while except for the sound of Niall’s guitar.

“…Do you think we’ll ever be like we were again?” Niall asked and Liam paused.

What could he say to that?

“I…I don’t know, Niall.”

“That’s okay. I didn’t think you would.”

The rest of the session was silence.

**_So long and goodnight_ **

\--

The red, thick liquid flowed down Harry’s arm like a river. He wasn’t sure when he started but if he counted the scars on his wrist, he’d say about two weeks ago.

Fourteen scars; all for him.

The first time he cut, he was scared and it hurt but now, he became more of stress relief, his way of letting go.

They were ugly; the marks it left behind so he wore long sleeves to hide them. No one seemed to notice and he was thankful.

He knew they cared but Louis was his boyfriend; the love of his life.

And now he wasn’t; he was gone and wasn’t coming back.

The picture he had from the carnival had been turned face down. Harry didn’t want Louis to see what he was doing with himself.

Harry didn’t even wince as the blade glided across his wrist, leaving a bloody trail behind it.

“Harry?” Harry jumped as his eyes darted to the door. It was Zayn’s voice, surprisingly.

“Y-yeah?” Harry asked, tossing the razor into his drawer and pulling down his long sleeve to his knuckle.

“Can I come in?”

Harry wanted to say no; that he was busy. But how many times would this happen? Zayn hadn’t left his room in weeks; hadn’t spoken; had barely even glanced at the rest of them.

“Yeah, sure.”  Zayn pushed the door open and Harry stared at the sight.

There were bags under his eyes; he hadn’t slept in a while obviously. He looked disheveled; his hair messy and his clothes were wrinkled and hung off his body. He didn’t even look like himself anymore.

But Harry pulled on that false smile; dimples and all, and waved as if he was the happiest person on Earth. “Hi.” He said and Zayn nodded. Harry patted a spot on the floor beside him and Zayn sat.

“What did you need?” Harry asked. “You haven’t left your room lately.” He smoothed out Zayn’s hair.

“I-I just came to check on you.” Zayn muttered. Harry felt as if he was talking to the old Zayn; the old shy, quiet Zayn who couldn’t talk without stuttering; the old Zayn who was scared to dance and make friends.

“Check on me? Why?”

Zayn bit his lip as he tried to find the words. “This has to be hard on you,” he spoke. “I-I know you loved Louis and…” his eyes grew watery. “I just don’t want you to do something that’ll hurt you…or us.” He looked up at Harry with big, brown eyes that reminded Harry of a child.

_‘Damn you, Louis. Look what you’ve done.’_ Harry thought. He smiled and held his arms out.

“Come here.” He said and Zayn lied his head on Harry’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Harry’s thin waist. Harry petted his hair soothingly as the older boy’s tears soaked through his sweater.

“Zayn, its okay. Nothing is gonna happen to me, I’m doing fine,”

_Liar_

“Why would you think that?” Harry asked him.

Zayn sniffed. “It’s just that, ever since Louis…left,” he still wasn’t comfortable with the word ‘died’ quite yet. “It’s like everything is falling apart. I know Liam is trying to keep everything together, but I don’t think it’s gonna work. And I don’t wanna lose any of you guys; you’re my best friends. I…I don’t think I could handle it.”

Harry felt his heartbeat speed up as his thoughts raced back to the razor; what he was doing; what he was planning to do.

Could he really leave Zayn like this?

Harry pulled him closer. “Zayn, listen to me. We’re not gonna fall apart. This is just…a phase. We’ll be okay. All of us.”

“…Okay.” Zayn buried his face in the crook of Harry’s shoulder.

And Harry knew what he said was a lie; that he had every intention of soon joining Louis and using that razor on his wrists but, in that moment, he was here. For that moment.

Neither of them noticed Liam duck his head as he left the doorway.

**_So long and goodnight_ **

\--

Liam wasn’t sure what made management decide to start the tour up again about a month later.

But he knew it was still early.

**_Came a time when every star-fall brought you to tears again_ **

_“We know you all are very distraught about Louis’ death.” Liam could see Harry cringe at the word ‘death’._

_“But we do have jobs and waiting fans to attend to.” Liam knew about the fans; as if he could forget. But he also knew that they could wait; they had said so themselves. After Louis’ death, the internet and the fandom went crazy._

_‘We could wait for as long as it takes, you guys!’_

_‘We just want you to be okay.’_

_‘Don’t rush for us, okay? Some of us know what it’s like to lose a loved one like that.’_

_It was when they received messages like those that Liam was glad they had such a supportive fandom._

_Liam knew it was about the money and he couldn’t protest so he nodded and went along with it._

Liam felt bad when he showed off fake smiles and laughs. He sometimes wondered if they knew how hard they were all trying to appear happy. He looked out in the crowd where he saw a young girl on, what he assumed to be, her brother’s shoulders and holding up a sign with tears in her eyes.

_‘Rest in Peace Boo-bear, we’ll never forget you.’_

Liam flashed her a watery smile which she returned.

Yeah, they knew.

**_We are the very hurt you sold_ **

As they finished up “Moments”, the sound of a microphone hitting the ground echoed throughout the dome. He could see Harry race to the back, his hand over his eyes.

Without thinking, Liam followed closely behind.

He looked to one of the guards by the back door. “Where did Harry go?”

The guard pointed to a restroom. “He ran in there.”

Liam nodded and opened the bathroom door just in time to see Harry add yet another cut to his arm. Liam’s eyes widened.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Harry dropped the razor in surprise and whipped his head around to stared at Liam.

“Um…”

“So this is what you’ve been doing?” Liam asked, stepping closer. Harry dropped his gaze to the tiled floors.

“It’s the only way I can deal with it.”

“That’s a fucking lie!” Liam shouted and Harry glared at him.

“You didn’t love him like I did! You don’t know how I feel! Maybe you can get over it and grow past it but I can’t, damn it!”

“You think this is EASY on me?!” Liam asked in disbelief. “He was my best friend! No, I didn’t love him like you did but this is just as hard on me as anyone else! But do you honestly think this is the only way to cope with it?!”

Harry held his wrist close. “…Nothing else works, Liam.” He croaked. “Nothing. I loved him so fucking much! Nothing else works!!”

**_And what’s the worst to take?_ **

Liam and Harry locked determined gazes.

Liam sighed and took Harry’s hand. “I don’t want you doing this.” He said. Harry remained silent.

“I don’t know how or if I’m even able to stop you but I’m going to try.” Liam released Harry.

“I don’t want you hurting yourself.” With that Liam took Harry’s razor and left the bathroom.

When the door shut, Harry’s back slid down the wall the sobs wracking his body.

_“Damn you…I hate you…”_

**_From every heart you break_ **

_\--_

The next few weeks were filled with tension between the four boys. Zayn and Niall had grown closer over time, Niall attempting to pull the boy out of his shell once again. Liam thought it was sweet; how much Niall was willing to do to see Zayn happy again.

Niall laughed loudly as he held up his DS in victory. “What now, Zayn? Who’s the champ? Who’s the champ?” he boasted before grabbing Zayn’s lips and opening and closing them.

“You are, Niall.” Niall said in an inaccurately high tone. Zayn let a small smile break out on his face as he smacked Niall’s hand away.

“Shut it.” He muttered and Niall snickered.

Harry had left that morning to visit Louis’ grave. He had been doing that a lot lately and, after what happened at the concert, Liam could only hope that was all he was doing. He searched Harry’s room often and he took every harmful thing he could use and disposed of it.

Anti-depressants; sleeping pills; razors; it all went to the trash. Of course there was conflict and arguments but, Liam thought it was all worth it as long as Harry could make it through another day.

**_And like the blade, you stain_ **

_“I hate you! Why can’t you just fuck off?!” Harry was on his knees, holding Liam who was sitting against the wall with a scar across his check from where Harry had struck. In those fits of rage, Harry was prone to get violent. “Give them back!!”_

_Liam looked into his eyes with a determined look as he kept a firm grip on the bottle of pills in his hand. “You’re not dying today.” He said and Harry pulled his hand back again, punching Liam in his jaw as tears welled up in the younger’s eyes._

_“You’re an asshole.” Harry growled and Liam chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I am.”_

_Harry released Liam’s collar and put his head on Liam’s shoulder. Liam could feel the tears seeping through and even though he was in pain, he hugged Harry close._

_“It’s okay…”_

_“I want to die and you just can’t let me…”_

_“I guess I’m selfish like that.”_

**_Well I’ve been holding on tonight_ **

_\--_

Harry sat Indian-style in front of Louis’ grave. He had brought flowers today like always. Louis never specified if he liked flowers or not so Harry got some of almost every kind and sat it down.

He thought Louis would like that better than a regular kind anyway.

“So yeah, the urge is getting harder to avoid.” Harry spoke to the gravestone.

_‘Louis William Tomlinson. A friend, a brother, a son, and an inspiration. You will never be forgotten.’_

“Sometimes I feel like just doing it, you know? But then I think about you and how you’d feel and I stop…sometimes it just pushes me further because I miss you.”

He got no reply; not like he expected one. His voice began to break. “It’s really hard to keep on living without you. You were my everything, you know? I would’ve done anything for you.  Sometimes I say I hate you because you left me here by myself…but I don’t. It’s a lie and I never mean it but sometimes that’s how I feel.”

Harry hesitantly rolled up his sleeve, revealing the scars to the light. He showed to the gravestone.

“I did all this for you.” He whispered and he touched one that looked fresh.

“I did that about two days ago. They were playing Hey There Delilah on the radio and I started crying. I know how much you loved that song.” Harry let out a bitter laugh.

“Remember that one time you left for a week to be with your family and you called me on Skype and you sang that stupid song to me? I thought you were such a dork for that. You even learned to play those chords. I called you an idiot but I was happy. I was so happy.” Harry wiped his tears.

“I wish you were here.” He croaked. He looked at the gravestone with a watery gaze. “I…I don’t think I’m gonna last too much longer…”

**_And what’s the worst that I can say?_ **

\--

When Harry came home, Liam wasn’t too surprised when the door slammed to Harry’s room slammed shut and stayed that way for the majority of the night.

He always did that when he came home from Louis’ gravesite.

What he wasn’t expecting was a loud shriek from Niall about two hours later.

Niall rushed down the stares, blue eyes wide with fear. “Liam!!” he screamed, almost bulldozing into him. Liam caught him by the shoulders.

“Niall, what’s wrong?”

Niall took a minute to catch his breath.  “I-It’s Harry! He’s upstairs and h-he’s bleeding! Everywhere!”

“Goddamnit, Styles…” Liam muttered, racing up the stairs and into Harry’s room. The carpet was stained with blood; pills scattered across the floor and some things knocked out of place. He saw Harry lying in a corner of the room.

“Harry!” Liam called, running to Harry’s side. The first thing he saw was the slit wrists and how deep Harry had cut this time. Liam’s eyes welled up with tears as he screamed for Niall and Zayn.

“Call an ambulance! NOW!!”

**_Things are better if I stay_ **

\--

_“Harry.”_

_Harry opened his eyes slowly. He was in Louis’ room he could tell from the posters of The Fray on the walls and the carrots on the dresser. He sat up in the messy bed and looked to Louis’ smiling face._

_“L-Louis…” he gasped. Louis nodded._

_“Yes, I’m Louis.” He said in a tone fitting for a toddler. “You were asleep for long time.” He noted._

_Harry blinked. “What do you mean?”_

_“What do I mean? You don’t remember what you did? With those pills? With that razor? I do.”_

_Harry’s eyes widened. “I-I’m dreaming.”_

_Louis shrugged. “Interpret it however you want; you’re about to die.”_

_Harry gulped as the words set in. Louis blinked._

_“Not ready yet, huh?” Louis asked. “Neither am I.”_

_“I don’t care.” Harry spoke, looking into Louis’ eyes; those light blue eyes he loved so much. “I want to be with you.”_

_Louis frowned. “Harry; you really don’t.” he said._

_“Yes, I do! I don’t care if I die! I love you! I want to be with you!”_

_Louis smiled, shaking his head with a small chuckle. “And I love you, too.” He said. “That’s why I’m not going to let you die.”_

_“But, Louis—“_

_“Shh.” Louis hushed him. “Go back to sleep.”_

**_So long and goodnight_ **

“Harry! Harry, wake up! Harry!!” Harry’s body shot up as his eyes opened, eliciting a small shriek from Niall.

“Harry?” Niall questioned and Harry glanced at him with lifeless eyes. Niall felt frozen as he looked at his best friend.

He  _wanted_ to die.

Niall smiled weakly. “Hey, Hazza. I’m glad you’re okay.” He said and Harry’s eye went to his lap.

His vision blurred as the tears flowed.

\--

Harry refused to speak the ride home; he wouldn’t look at anyone, wouldn’t react. He just sat there and gazed out of the window blankly. No one bothered him because they knew the deal; they knew what he was trying to do and how they stopped him.

Not like they regretted it.

**_So long and goodnight_ **

\--

When Liam got home, he felt someone grab his shoulders and slam him against the wall nearby. He winced in slight pain as he looked into Harry’s furious green eyes.

“Liam…” the boy sneered his name. “You asshole. Why can’t you just let me die?!”

Liam’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I can’t, Harry.”

“That’s not good enough!” Harry screamed, slamming Liam against the wall once more. “Why? Why are you making me stay here and suffer?!”

Liam couldn’t speak. He just stared. How was he supposed to respond to that? He wanted Harry to be alive; that was all.

**_Things are better if I stay_ **

Harry continued. “I can’t be here without him!” he pleaded. “Just let me die, Liam! Please!”

“…Do you think that’s what he would’ve wanted?” Liam rasped and Harry froze.

Liam glared at him now, his eyes a mixture of emotions; anger, sadness, determination.

They all showed in his eyes.

“Do you?!” he shouted. “You were the most important thing in his life! The last thing he would’ve wanted is for you to die because of him! Do you think he would want you to do this?!”

Harry’s death grip on Liam loosened as he shook, eyes wide with realization. “I…I don’t know.”

He fell forward, his head on Liam’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”

Liam spoke again. “He’d want you to live, harry. He wouldn’t want this for you.”

 “How would you know?”

“Tell me one time Louis would want anyone dead for any reason.”

**_So long and goodnight_ **

Harry didn’t reply as he thought about it. He felt a hand run through his hair and he curled into the touch. He needed this, he supposed. He needed to know that someone was there for him.

“You’re not the only one effected by this, Harry. You’re not the only one hurting.”

“I know.” Harry said. “I just miss him so much, Liam. I loved him so much.” Harry brought his arms around Liam’s waist, burying his head in the crook of Liam’s neck.

Liam ignored the fact that his shirt was getting wet and hugged the youngest back. “I know. We all did. But I already lost one best friend; I’ll be damned if I lose another.”

**_So long and good night_ **

\--

To say the next few weeks were hard would’ve been a HUGE understatement in Liam’s opinion.

To make sure he wouldn’t have anymore suicide scares, he had to search Harry’s entire room, top to bottom.

Anything sharp and/or medicine-related was disposed of.

Liam tried to keep him busy, bring him back to how he was. Sometimes he saw Harry talking with Niall and Zayn but he wasn’t really talking as much as he was listening; sometimes not even listening just gazing with glassed-over eyes.

_“I need them, Liam! Please, just let me have one!” Harry begged, eyes bloodshot and glassy, as he reached for the pills he had been craving—needing for a week._

_Liam shook his head. “No way. One turns into ten for you. Just a little longer, Harry.”_

_“I don’t wanna wait…”_

_“You have to. Do it, if not for yourself, then for him.”_

_Harry hesitated but he nodded. “I’ll try.”_

_Liam watched with a pain in his chest as Harry curled up in his bed later that day, resisting the suicidal urges in his mind._

_“I’m sorry…”_

**_And if you carry on this way_ **

But it was better than nothing.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked Liam as the older boy stared with a determined look at the plastic bowl in front of him.

“Baking a cake.” Liam answered simply.

Harry stepped in closer. He had gotten thinner in the last few days, Liam noticed; he wasn’t eating or sleeping as much and Liam planned to fix that as well.

“Do you plan on staring at it until it heats or…” Liam looked up to glare at him.

“No!” he protested. “It’s just….the spoon.” His eyes flickered to the wooden spoon on the table and harry raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t wanna use it?” he asked, picking it up.

“No…” Liam felt ashamed to admit it. Harry picked up the cake mix.

“What are you making cake for?”

Liam hesitated before answering. “I was hoping you’d eat it. You’ve been looking rather thin lately.”

Liam saw Harry’s eye glint with something he wasn’t quite sure of as the boy opened the cake mix.

**_Things are better if I stay_ **

“That’s sweet.” He murmured. “I can help if you want. You know,” he glanced at the spoon. “If you can’t handle it.” He smirked and Liam noted that was the first time Harry had smiled in weeks. And it wasn’t fake or forced; it was genuine and real. Something they hadn’t seen out of any of them in a while.

He couldn’t help it; he smiled back and flicked some cake mix at Harry. “Shut it.” He said playfully and Harry laughed in reply. Liam grabbed Harry’s hand.

“We friends again?” he asked and Harry shrugged but it was with a smile. Another one, Liam noted.

“Maybe.” He said. “You know, I’m still not over him. The urge is still there.”

“That’s why I’m here, right?”

**_So long and goodnight_ **

Harry leaned back on the counter. “So, what are you, Superman now?”

“For you, yes.” Liam said it in all seriousness. He’d be anything to keep Harry safe at this point.

Harry froze at that. It was unexpected; not his anticipated answer but he chuckled.

 “Idiot.” He muttered. He motioned to the bowl. “Come on, I gotta eat.”

Liam nodded vigorously and joined Harry at the counter and Liam wasn’t sure why or how but, wherever he was, he could feel Louis’ there, his hand on both of their shoulders and a smile on his face.

Liam knew Harry wasn't fixed and he wasn't sure if he ever would be but he figured it could be a start.

_Good job, Payne._

**_So long and goodnight_ **


End file.
